Reflecting on what is the most important

In the aftermath of this flu, I see tons of messy dishes, baked on food, (mold), stuff all over the floors, tons of unwashed laundry.  And an angry, overwhelmed, anxious self.

I know it's probably not true, but I see never ending weeks ahead with just one good day a week and the rest just full of angry, tears, the need for escape.

This is not turning anyone's heart toward God, not at all.

I was talking with a girlfriend a few days ago and we gave ourselves some home work: find out what you ARE, instead of always what you AREN'T.  So, I asked God.  I wanted to hear affirmation of things I already knew about myself, like I'm thoughtful and creative or I'm good at seeing possibility in almost anything.

But you know what I heard?

Loved.  I am Loved.

I wanted to write it off.  I wanted to say, yea, yea, we're all loved, that's why You died on the cross, but what am 'I' that's like special?

Loved.

So, I dwelt on that a little bit.  And this truth settled over me.  I, the angry mother with the hungry, dirty, crying kids - I'm loved.  I who have been thinking mostly of myself, I'm loved.  I, who have been looking for scapegoats for all this mess for my whole life, am loved, too.

And the cool thing is, that when I look around at everything and realize that I'm loved even with all this dysfunction - I kind of want to share it.  And sharing it by hugging, and laughing and yes, even cleaning, seems like a good way to spread that around.

I even have this little shadow of a thought that maybe seeing myself as loved instead of judged will dissolve the part of me that surveys the house and gets angry, overwhelmed and anxious.

Our one consistent activity so far

Everyone but Daddy and the dog has had the stomach flu over here.

And yet, we've still been doing our one consistent activity:

Every morning around 10am, the kids color and I read aloud something from the bible.

They have been exhausted and fussy, so it's only been lasting about 15 minutes.  But, it's still something.

This is exciting!